she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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