i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
did i just pee glitter
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
