You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
