I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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