I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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