i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
