i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
