sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
