I can tuck mytits in my pants
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
