i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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