Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
