apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
