"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
