I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
