We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
