I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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