Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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