I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
