I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
