did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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