:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
