Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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