I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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