I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
