I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
