I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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