I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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