the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He has the fingertips of a God
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