i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
