Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
