Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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