very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
