ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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