I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
