I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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