4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Girls should come with a carfax report
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
