You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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