that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
