My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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