Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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