Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
