I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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