Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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