i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize