somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
