You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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