when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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