Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
