we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
