Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
