I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
