Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
