I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
